Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
