census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
