Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my shit smells like andre
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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