think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize