I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
