a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
