i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's always time for handjobs
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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