i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
