i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
