He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize