My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
