i was born a porn star she said
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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