You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
