Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
