I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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