mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
