so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
