I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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