Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
