Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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