Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
