she was so not down for the gang bang
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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