I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.