i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
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this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.