just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....