why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration