oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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