Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
