mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
