remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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