Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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