Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
