He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
