I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
