Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
