I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
