This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize