yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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