im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize