I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
