i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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