i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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