I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
