if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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