my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
