Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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