that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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