Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
