If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
