I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
