it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
