Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
