My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
