My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
