Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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