bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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