Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
