Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
