but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she peed on how many people?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
