there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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