can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it glows. i had to have it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
