Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
