checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
