i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
