If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My dick has a subreddit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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