so that wasnt chicken after all
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
