She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
