I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
